Shower Thoughts: Day 10

It has come to my attention that lucrative cults do not thrive when abandoned because of impending exams. Oh well.
Shower thoughts have, of late, been rather sparse. The working life has taken its toll and my imagination is fast being syphoned out and stored in a jar for me to put on my mantlepeice. This being the case, I must leave this rambling nonsense and go to bed. Goodnight.

Shower Thoughts: Day 9

Far be it from me to incite public hysteria, but it has been brought to my attention that the apocalypse, as they say, is nigh. Now, this may, on the face of it, appear to be a rather rash statement, however, in the face of the overwhelming evidence that I shall present shortly, even the most hardened agnostic must surely concede and (if their cheque clears) join my newly formed cult.
My story is as follows.
Whilst taking my usual shower on the morning of Sunday 5 June 2005 (NB. the day of the Lord), I had the apparent misfortune to drop the soap no less than seven times. On the seventh time (NB. the number of the Lord), the soap undertook to land directly on its end, thereby indicating the direction of our divinely appointed doom. Being something of a natural cynic, I acknowledge that this event on its own does not constitute absolute proof of the imminence of the end of the world, however, when on the morning of Monday 6 June 2005 the soap landed similarly inclined, I could no longer disregard its warning.
Now having too received word, I implore you bloggers to join me in serving our soapy master by relaying His message to all humankind. To facilitate the spreading of the truth, we shall organise ourselves under the title: The Body of United Lovers of the Lord's Soap of Holy Inexorable Truth. To join me, send a cheque payable to BULLSHIT to:

M
The Shower of the Divine Intervention
The Midlands
England

Shower Thoughts: Day 8

M's Step by Step Guide to Thursdays:

Yawn
roll over
remove eyes from package of protective slime
look reticent for a while
direct fuzzy gaze slowly towards clock
hazily mull over the words twelve o'clock
linger whilst reality goes about the slow process of dawning
leap out of bed
dive into shower
rub frenziedly, applying soap only to such areas as have been deemed essential
jump out of shower
devote at least ten minutes to the removal of water from ears
spend the rest of the day languishing in front of the computer
go to bed late.
Repeat.

Shower Thoughts: Day 7

A wise man once said "when you don't have anything to say, don't speak". That wise man was me, I shall heed his advice.

Shower Thoughts: Day 6(/137)

Hmmm, 137 days- who would have guessed I've been sitting finals...
Well, the frenzied action of the last four months has finally yielded to the monotonous expanse that is the rest of my life, and I'm back in the shower.
Shower thoughts have, of late, been dominated by my latest aquisition- foam letters that stick to the bathroom tiles. What ensued from the infinite possibilities presented to me is far too weird to relate here, suffice to say that nazis, werewolves and moose all made an appearance, with a brief cameo by that old favourite- midgets... very pc.
And so I leave you with images of cross-dressing werewolves chasing nazi midgets riding moose around my bathroom, and I offer you a warm welcome back to the unremitting abyss of attention-defecit-induced improbability that I like to think of as my brain... enjoy.

Shower Thoughts: Day 5

Oh crap, a week since my last post...

Anyway, I haven't shaved my head for far too long and I've developed this kind of fuzz- some might call it hair. So today's shower was filled with musings on the novel sensation of having wet hair. I don't like it. It sticks.

And that's all for today... I need food.

Shower Thoughts: A Brief Interlude

Just for the record, I do shower at the weekend. Time, it seems, has managed once again to shorten itself largely because of a number of things that are going on in my house that have caused me to have to become far too serious for a weekend. Not good. Expect a return to the world that exists between my ears shortly...

Shower Thoughts: Day 4

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh, it's 11am
I'm late
I'm late
I'm late
Oh why do I waste my life in bed
Oh why do I waste my life in bed
Oh why do I waste my life in bed
Damn, damn, damn.

So proceded today's shower thoughts...

Shower Thoughts: Day 3

And now, the afternoon news:
Reports are just in of an armed uprising in the shower region of m's house. Rebels from the seperatist guerilla movement The People's Hair Liberation Front, took control of one side of the shower in what has been described as "a swift and ruthless assault". It is thought that the purpose of the uprising was to prevent the authorities (m and his housemates) from settng foot in the area. The Guerillas- described as "clingy" and "horribly ugly"- held the area for 2 minutes demanding that m leave the shower, before making a rash attack on his feet. What followed was a running battle as the guerillas advanced on the plughole, taking a number of hostages on the way. The situation was defused with what onlookers described as "a swift sidestep and a splash of water" causing the rebels to lose nerve and flee down the plughole. m is said to be unscathed by the incident but comments "It was awful. I thought they had me for a moment- the look on their faces will haunt me for years." The foreign office suggests that if anyone is planning a visit to the area they should inform a relative of their whereabouts and, if long hairs may be present, consider enlisting the professional protection of a shower cap.
In other news, m's housemate reports that "m has too much work to do and should stop wasting his time."

Shower Thoughts: Day 2

Today was the start of a new university term and despite having only about 10 hours of lectures a week I had the misfortune to land one at 9am today. I am not accustomed to early starts. My house isn't even accustomed to early starts; when I got up at 7am the heating wasn't yet on and, as we are all aware, cold is not conducive to thought- hence no discernable shower thoughts. Altogether a bad start. I then proceeded to spend the next five minutes in paralysing fear. So cold was I that once I had braved getting wet, the thought of having any part of me exposed to the cold for more than 1 millisecond resulted in me oscillating between vibrating frantically in an attempt to maintain constant wetness, and standing dead still, tensing everly muscle I could muster at such an early hour and with eyes bulging fixing a stare that could melt steel on the closest object- in this case the soap sitting inncoently on the side. The result thus resembled a rabbit in the headlights effect followed quickly by the same rabbit breaking down in an epileptic fit. I'm just glad there were no witnesses...